Alices adventures in wonderland

ut a grin,` thought Alice; `but a grin without a cat! It`s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!`
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself `Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I`d gone to see the Hatter instead!`

Chapter 7. A mad tea-party.

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,` thought Alice; `only, as it`s asleep, I suppose it doesn`t mind.`
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!` they cried out when they saw Alice coming. `There`s PLENTY of room!` said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
`Have some wine,` the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. `I don`t see any wine,` she remarked.
`There isn`t any,` said the March Hare.
`Then it wasn`t very civil of you to offer it,` said Alice angrily.
`It wasn`t very civil of you to sit down without being invited,` said the March Hare.
`I didn`t know it was YOUR table,` said Alice; `it`s laid for a great many more than three.`
`Your hair wants cutting,` said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
`You should learn not to make personal remarks,` Alice said with some severity; `it`s very rude.`
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?`
`Come, we shall have some fun now!` thought Alice. `I`m glad they`ve begun asking riddles.I believe I can guess that,` she added aloud.
`Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?` said the March Hare.
`Exactly so,` said Alice.
`Then you should say what you mean,` the March Hare went on.
`I do,` Alice hastily replied; `at leastat least I mean what I saythat`s the same thing, you know.`
`Not the same thing a bit!` said the Hatter. `You might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see”!`
`You might just as well say,` added the March Hare, `that “I like what I get” is the same thing as “I get what I like”!`
`You might just as well say,` added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, `that “I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe”!`
`It IS the same thing with you,` said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn`t much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of the month is it?` he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.`
`Two days wrong!` sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter wouldn`t suit the works!` he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
`It was the BEST butter,` the March Hare meekly replied.
`Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,` the Hatter grumbled: `you shouldn`t have put it in with the bread-knife.`
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It was the BEST butter, you know.`
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. `What a funny watch!` she remarked. `It tells the day of the month, and doesn`t tell what o`clock it is!`
`Why should it?` muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?`
`Of course not,` Alice replied very readily: `but that`s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.`
`Which is just the case with MINE,` said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter`s remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. `I don`t quite understand you,` she said, as politely as she could.
`The Dormouse is asleep again,` said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.`
`Have you guessed the riddle yet?` the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
`No, I give it up,` Alice replied: `what`s the answer?`
`I haven`t the slightest idea,` said the Hatter.
`Nor I,` said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,` she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.`
`If you knew Time as well as I do,` said the Hatter, `you wouldn`t talk about wasting IT. It`s HIM.`
`I don`t know what you mean,` said Alice.
`Of course you don`t!` the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!`
`Perhaps not,` Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.`
`Ah! that accounts for it,` said the Hatter. `He won`t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he`d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o`clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you`d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!`
(`I only wish it was,` the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
`That would be grand, certainly,` said Alice thoughtfully: `but thenI shouldn`t be hungry for it, you know.`
`Not at first, perhaps,` said the Hatter: `but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.`
`Is that the way YOU manage?` Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!` he replied. `We quarrelled last Marchjust before HE went mad, you know` (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
“Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you`re at!”
You know the song, perhaps?`
`I`ve heard something like it,` said Alice.
`It goes on, you know,` the Hatter continued, `in this way:
“Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle”`
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle` and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
`Well, I`d hardly finished the first verse,` said the Hatter, `when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, “He`s murdering the time! Off with his head!”`
`How dreadfully savage!` exclaimed Alice.
`And ever since that,` the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won`t do a thing I ask! It`s always six o`clock now.`
A bright idea came into Alice`s head. `Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?` she asked.
`Yes, that`s it,` said the Hatter with a sigh: `it`s always tea-time, and we`ve no time to wash the things between whiles.`
`Then you keep moving round, I suppose?` said Alice.
`Exactly so,` said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.`
`But what happens when you come to the beginning again?` Alice ventured to ask.
`Suppose we change the subject,` the March Hare interrupted, yawning. `I`m getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.`
`I`m afraid I don`t know one,` said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.
`Then the Dormouse shall!` they both cried. `Wake up, Dormouse!` And they pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn`t asleep,` he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows were saying.`
`Tell us a story!` said the March Hare.
`Yes, please do!` pleaded Alice.
`And be quick about it,` added the Hatter, `or you`ll be asleep again before it`s done.`
`Once upon a time there were three little sisters,` the Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well`
`What did they live on?` said Alice, who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.
`They lived on treacle,` said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
`They couldn`t have done that, you know,` Alice gently remarked; `they`d have been ill.`
`So they were,` said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.`
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?`
`Take some more tea,` the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
`I`ve had nothing yet,` Alice replied in an offended tone, `so I can`t take more.`
`You mean you can`t take LESS,` said the Hatter: `it`s very easy to take MORE than nothing.`
`Nobody asked YOUR opinion,` said Alice.
`Who`s making personal remarks now?` the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the bottom of a well?`
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then said, `It was a treacle-well.`
`There`s no such thing!` Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!` and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, `If you can`t be civil, you`d better finish the story for yourself.`
`No, please go on!` Alice said very humbly; `I won`t interrupt agai…