The adventures of huckleberry finn

es, my friend, it is too true – your eyes is lookin` at this very moment on the pore disappeared Dauphin, Looy the Seventeen, son of Looy the Sixteen and Marry Antonette.”
“You! At your age! No! You mean you`re the late Charlemagne; you must be six or seven hundred years old, at the very least.”
“Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it; trouble has brung these gray hairs and this premature balditude. Yes, gentlemen, you see before you, in blue jeans and misery, the wanderin`, exiled, trampled-on, and sufferin` rightful King of France.”
Well, he cried and took on so that me and Jim didn`t know hardly what to do, we was so sorry – and so glad and proud we`d got him with us, too. So we set in, like we done before with the duke, and tried to comfort HIM. But he said it warn`t no use, nothing but to be dead and done with it all could do him any good; though he said it often made him feel easier and better for a while if people treated him according to his rights, and got down on one knee to speak to him, and always called him “Your Majesty,” and waited on him first at meals, and didn`t set down in his presence till he asked them. So Jim and me set to majestying him, and doing this and that and t`other for him, and standing up till he told us we might set down. This done him heaps of good, and so he got cheerful and comfortable. But the duke kind of soured on him, and didn`t look a bit satisfied with the way things was going; still, the king acted real friendly towards him, and said the duke`s great-grandfather and all the other Dukes of Bilgewater was a good deal thought of by HIS father, and was allowed to come to the palace considerable; but the duke stayed huffy a good while, till by and by the king says:
“Like as not we got to be together a blamed long time on this h-yer raft, Bilgewater, and so what`s the use o` your bein` sour? It `ll only make things oncomfortable. It ain`t my fault I warn`t born a duke, it ain`t your fault you warn`t born a king – so what`s the use to worry? Make the best o` things the way you find `em, says I – that`s my motto. This ain`t no bad thing that we`ve struck here – plenty grub and an easy life – come, give us your hand, duke, and le`s all be friends.”
The duke done it, and Jim and me was pretty glad to see it. It took away all the uncomfortableness and we felt mighty good over it, because it would a been a miserable business to have any unfriendliness on the raft; for what you want, above all things, on a raft, is for everybody to be satisfied, and feel right and kind towards the others.
It didn`t take me long to make up my mind that these liars warn`t no kings nor dukes at all, but just low-down humbugs and frauds. But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to myself; it`s the best way; then you don`t have no quarrels, and don`t get into no trouble. If they wanted us to call them kings and dukes, I hadn`t no objections, `long as it would keep peace in the family; and it warn`t no use to tell Jim, so I didn`t tell him. If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way.

Chapter 20.

THEY asked us considerable many questions; wanted to know what we covered up the raft that way for, and laid by in the daytime instead of running – was Jim a runaway nigger? Says I:
“Goodness sakes! would a runaway nigger run SOUTH?”
No, they allowed he wouldn`t. I had to account for things some way, so I says:
“My folks was living in Pike County, in Missouri, where I was born, and they all died off but me and pa and my brother Ike. Pa, he `lowed he`d break up and go down and live with Uncle Ben, who`s got a little one-horse place on the river, forty-four mile below Orleans. Pa was pretty poor, and had some debts; so when he`d squared up there warn`t nothing left but sixteen dollars and our nigger, Jim. That warn`t enough to take us fourteen hundred mile, deck passage nor no other way. Well, when the river rose pa had a streak of luck one day; he ketched this piece of a raft; so we reckoned we`d go down to Orleans on it. Pa`s luck didn`t hold out; a steamboat run over the forrard corner of the raft one night, and we all went overboard and dove under the wheel; Jim and me come up all right, but pa was drunk, and Ike was only four years old, so they never come up no more. Well, for the next day or two we had considerable trouble, because people was always coming out in skiffs and trying to take Jim away from me, saying they believed he was a runaway nigger. We don`t run daytimes no more now; nights they don`t bother us.”
The duke says:
“Leave me alone to cipher out a way so we can run in the daytime if we want to. I`ll think the thing over – I`ll invent a plan that`ll fix it. We`ll let it alone for to-day, because of course we don`t want to go by that town yonder in daylight – it mightn`t be healthy.”
Towards night it begun to darken up and look like rain; the heat lightning was squirting around low down in the sky, and the leaves was beginning to shiver – it was going to be pretty ugly, it was easy to see that. So the duke and the king went to overhauling our wigwam, to see what the beds was like. My bed was a straw tickbetter than Jim`s, which was a cornshuck tick; there`s always cobs around about in a shuck tick, and they poke into you and hurt; and when you roll over the dry shucks sound like you was rolling over in a pile of dead leaves; it makes such a rustling that you wake up. Well, the duke allowed he would take my bed; but the king allowed he wouldn`t. He says:
“I should a reckoned the difference in rank would a sejested to you that a corn-shuck bed warn`t just fitten for me to sleep on. Your Grace `ll take the shuck bed yourself.”
Jim and me was in a sweat again for a minute, being afraid there was going to be some more trouble amongst them; so we was pretty glad when the duke says:
“`Tis my fate to be always ground into the mire under the iron heel of oppression. Misfortune has broken my once haughty spirit; I yield, I submit; `tis my fate. I am alone in the world – let me suffer; can bear it.”
We got away as soon as it was good and dark. The king told us to stand well out towards the middle of the river, and not show a light till we got a long ways below the town. We come in sight of the little bunch of lights by and by – that was the town, you know – and slid by, about a half a mile out, all right. When we was three-quarters of a mile below we hoisted up our signal lantern; and about ten o`clock it come on to rain and blow and thunder and lighten like everything; so the king told us to both stay on watch till the weather got better; then him and the duke crawled into the wigwam and turned in for the night. It was my watch below till twelve, but I wouldn`t a turned in anyway if I`d had a bed, because a body don`t see such a storm as that every day in the week, not by a long sight. My souls, how the wind did scream along! And every second or two there`d come a glare that lit up the white-caps for a half a mile around, and you`d see the islands looking dusty through the rain, and the trees thrashing around in the wind; then comes a H-WHACK! – bum! bum! bumble-umble-um-bum-bum-bum-bum – and the thunder would go rumbling and grumbling away, and quit – and then RIP comes another flash and another sockdolager. The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn`t any clothes on, and didn`t mind. We didn`t have no trouble about snags; the lightning was glaring and flittering around so constant that we could see them plenty soon enough to throw her head this way or that and miss them.
I had the middle watch, you know, but I was pretty sleepy by that time, so Jim he said he would stand the first half of it for me; he was always mighty good that way, Jim was. I crawled into the wigwam, but the king and the duke had their legs sprawled around so there warn`t no show for me; so I laid outside – I didn`t mind the rain, because it was warm, and the waves warn`t running so high now. About two they come up again, though, and Jim was going to call me; but he changed his mind, because he reckoned they warn`t high enough yet to do any harm; but he was mistaken about that, for pretty soon all of a sudden along comes a regular ripper and washed me overboard. It most killed Jim a-laughing. He was the easiest nigger to laugh that ever was, anyway.
I took the watch, and Jim he laid down and snored away; and by and by the storm let up for good and all; and the first cabin-light that showed I rousted him out, and we slid the raft into hiding quarters for the day.
The king got out an old ratty deck of cards after breakfast, and him and the duke played seven-up a while, five cents a game. Then they got tired of it, and allowed they would “lay out a campaign,” as they called it. The duke went down into his carpetbag, and fetched up a lot of little printed bills and read them out loud. One bill said, “The celebrated Dr. Armand de Montalban, of Paris,” would “lecture on the Science of Phrenology” at such and such a place, on the blank day of blank, at ten cents admission, and “furnish charts of character at twenty-five cents apiece.” The duke said that was HIM. In another bill he was the “world-renowned Shakespearian tragedian, Garrick the Younger, of Drury Lane, London.” In other bills he had a lot of other names and done other wonderful things, like finding water and gold with a “divining-rod,” “dissipating witch spells,” and so on. By and by he says:
“But the histrionic muse is the darling. Have you ever trod the boards, Royalty?”
“No,” says the king.
“You shall, then, before you`re three days older, Fallen Grandeur,” says the duke. “The first good town we come to we`ll hire a hall and do the sword fight in Richard III. and the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. How does that strike you?”
“I`m in, up to the hub, for anything that will pay, Bilgewater; but, you see, I don`t k…