How the first letter was written

ce knocked him down and sat on him in a long line of six, while Teshumai pulled his hair.
`It`s as plain as the nose on this Stranger-man`s face,` she said. `He has stuck my Tegumai all full of spears, and frightened poor Taffy so that her hair stands all on end; and not content with that, he brings me a horrid picture of how it was done. Look!` She showed the picture to all the Neolithic ladies sitting patiently on the Stranger-man. `Here is my Tegumai with his arm broken; here is a spear sticking into his back; here is a man with a spear ready to throw; here is another man throwing a spear from a Cave, and here are a whole pack of people` (they were Taffy`s beavers really, but they did look rather like people) `coming up behind Tegumai. Isn`t it shocking!`
`Most shocking!` said the Neolithic ladies, and they filled the Stranger-man`s hair with mud (at which he was surprised), and they beat upon the Reverberating Tribal Drums, and called together all the chiefs of the Tribe of Tegumai, with their Hetmans and Dolmans, all Neguses, Woons, and Akhoonds of the organisation, in addition to the Warlocks, Angekoks, Juju-men, Bonzes, and the rest, who decided that before they chopped the Stranger-man`s head off he should instantly lead them down to the river and show them where he had hidden poor Taffy.
By this time the Stranger-man (in spite of being a Tewara) was really annoyed. They had filled his hair quite solid with mud; they had rolled him up and down on knobby pebbles; they had sat upon him in a long line of six; they had thumped him and bumped him till he could hardly breathe; and though he did not understand their language, he was almost sure that the names the Neolithic ladies called him were not ladylike. However, he said nothing till all the Tribe of Tegumai were assembled, and then he led them back to the bank of the Wagai river, and there they found Taffy making daisy-chains, and Tegumai carefully spearing small carp with his mended spear.
`Well, you have been quick!` said Taffy. `But why did you bring so many people? Daddy dear, this is my surprise. Are you surprised, Daddy?`
`Very,` said Tegumai; `but it has ruined all my fishing for the day. Why, the whole dear, kind, nice, clean, quiet Tribe is here, Taffy.`
And so they were. First of all walked Teshumai Tewindrow and the Neolithic ladies, tightly holding on to the Stranger-man, whose hair was full of mud (although he was a Tewara). Behind them came the Head Chief, the Vice-Chief, the Deputy and Assistant Chiefs (all armed to the upper teeth), the Hetmans and Heads of Hundreds, Platoffs with their Platoons, and Dolmans with their Detachments; Woons, Neguses, and Akhoonds ranking in the rear (still armed to the teeth). Behind them was the Tribe in hierarchical order, from owners of four caves (one for each season), a private reindeer-run, and two salmon-leaps, to feudal and prognathous Villeins, semi-entitled to half a bearskin of winter nights, seven yards from the fire, and adscript serfs, holding the reversion of a scraped marrow-bone under heriot (Aren`t those beautiful words, Best Beloved?). They were all there, prancing and shouting, and they frightened every fish for twenty miles, and Tegumai thanked them in a fluid Neolithic oration.
Then Teshumai Tewindrow ran down and kissed and hugged Taffy very much indeed; but the Head Chief of the Tribe of Tegumai took Tegumai by the top-knot feathers and shook him severely.
`Explain! Explain! Explain!` cried all the Tribe of Tegumai.
`Goodness` sakes alive!` said Tegumai. `Let go of my top-knot. Can`t a man break his carp-spear without the whole countryside descending on him? You`re a very interfering people.`
`I don`t believe you`ve brought my Daddy`s black-handled spear after all,` said Taffy. `And what are you doing to my nice Stranger-man?`
They were thumping him by twos and threes and tens till his eyes turned round and round. He could only gasp and point at Taffy.
`Where are the bad people who speared you, my darling?` said Teshumai Tewindrow.
`There weren`t any,` said Tegumai. `My only visitor this morning was the poor fellow that you are trying to choke. Aren`t you well, or are you ill, O Tribe of Tegumai?`
`He came with a horrible picture,` said the Head Chief,`a picture that showed you were full of spears.`
`Er-um-Pr`aps I`d better `splain that I gave him that picture,` said Taffy, but she did not feel quite comfy.
`You!` said the Tribe of Tegumai all together. `Small-person-with-no-manners-who-ought-to-be-spanked! You?`
`Taffy dear, I`m afraid we`re in for a little trouble,` said her Daddy, and put his arm round her, so she didn`t care.
`Explain! Explain! Explain!` said the Head Chief of the Tribe of Tegumai, and he hopped on one foot.
`I wanted the Stranger-man to fetch Daddy`s spear, so I drawded it,` said Taffy. `There wasn`t lots of spears. There was only one spear. I drawded it three times to make sure. I couldn`t help it looking as if it stuck into Daddy`s headthere wasn`t room on the birch-bark; and those things that Mummy called bad people are my beavers. I drawded them to show him the way through the swamp; and I drawded Mummy at the mouth of the Cave looking pleased because he is a nice Stranger-man, and I think you are just the stupidest people in the world,` said Taffy. `He is a very nice man. Why have you filled his hair with mud? Wash him!`
Nobody said anything at all for a longtime, till the Head Chief laughed; then the Stranger-man (who was at least a Tewara) laughed; then Tegumai laughed till he fell down flat on the bank; then all the Tribe laughed more and worse and louder. The only people who did not laugh were Teshumai Tewindrow and all the Neolithic ladies. They were very polite to all their husbands, and said `Idiot!` ever so often.
Then the Head Chief of the Tribe of Tegumai cried and said and sang, `O Small-person-with-out-any-manners-who-ought-to-be-spanked, you`ve hit upon a great invention!`
`I didn`t intend to; I only wanted Daddy`s black-handled spear,` said Taffy.
`Never mind. It is a great invention, and some day men will call it writing. At present it is only pictures, and, as we have seen to-day, pictures are not always properly understood. But a time will come, O Babe of Tegumai, when we shall make lettersall twenty-six of `em,and when we shall be able to read as well as to write, and then we shall always say exactly what we mean without any mistakes. Let the Neolithic ladies wash the mud out of the stranger`s hair.`
`I shall be glad of that,` said Taffy, `because, after all, though you`ve brought every single other spear in the Tribe of Tegumai, you`ve forgotten my Daddy`s black-handled spear.`
Then the Head Chief cried and said and sang, `Taffy dear, the next time you write a picture-letter, you`d better send a man who can talk our language with it, to explain what it means. I don`t mind it myself, because I am a Head Chief, but it`s very bad for the rest of the Tribe of Tegumai, and, as you can see, it surprises the stranger.`
Then they adopted the Stranger-man (a genuine Tewara of Tewar) into the Tribe of Tegumai, because he was a gentleman and did not make a fuss about the mud that the Neolithic ladies had put into his hair. But from that day to this (and I suppose it is all Taffy`s fault), very few little girls have ever liked learning to read or write. Most of them prefer to draw pictures and play about with their Daddiesjust like Taffy.